His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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