He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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