My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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