We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize