spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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