so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
