I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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