I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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