Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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