we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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