we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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