ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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