yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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