based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
