So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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