Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Blood and glitter go together right?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
