I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
