that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize