my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize