Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
