the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
