i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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