I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
