We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
