He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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