Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
