woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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