I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
