its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
