I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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