I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Blood and glitter go together right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
