party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
