How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
