my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
