I feel like I'm in dance class right now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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