you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
