i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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