I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize