Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
