just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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