Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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