Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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