just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
