I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
