i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just tell him i said nine months
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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