We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
