The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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