you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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