I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
