hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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