Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
