Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
