you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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