im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
