Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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