this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
did i just pee glitter
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
