I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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