its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
