I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
