i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
