I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize