Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
please don't ironically join a cult
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