I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drake has all the answers
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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