I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
