so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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