If i come over, it means nothing
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
