Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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