She is in my trunk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
