I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
