I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You work out of a Hotel?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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