Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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