The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
